Don't know if you've heard, but it's the Oscars tomorrow, so Hollywood's biggest names will be spending today perfecting their red carpet looks, finalizing thank you speeches, and testing their gracious loser faces.

But while Leonardo DiCaprioChristian Bale, Amy Adams and Lupita Nyong'o nervously await their awards fate, we've decided to hand out a few gongs of our own. 

Welcome to the inaugural ASOS Alternative Oscars: